Tuesday, May 19, 2009
to help you make it through these days, that's why
i decided after seeing the countless questions posted on message boards and after seeing the lost and confused faces all over post to finally put together a little survival guide for those facing a deployment. whether it's your first deployment or your seventh, each is difficult and each is different. i've asked some of the smartest people i know, military spouses, how they dealt with and survived their deployments. below you will find a collection of personal experiences to guide you through your deployment. and if you have questions, feel free to ask them. because as they say, there are no dumb questions but the ones that are not asked. we hope that our experiences can help you with your experience.
that day
you knew that day was coming. you knew from the moment he told you he was a marine. the moment he told you he was a soldier. the moment he told you he was an airmen. the moment he told you he was a sailor. someday, he would walk through the door and tell you he's been called up, been given orders, been told he's shipping out. no matter what he says, you feel the air becoming thinner, it's hard to breathe. the tears are welling up in your eyes. you told yourself this day would come, but never thought it come now.
i remember the day like it was yesterday. i had my interview with the principal of the la-4 program and was offered the teaching position. i was over the moon and couldn't wait to share my excitement with aaron. when he called at lunch, i wanted to tell him, but kept mum until dinner. i could tell in his voice something was up, but he wouldn't say. that night over dinner he told me: 'they want me to deploy and catch up with my unit. since i've got combat experience, they could use my help.' suddenly my news of a new job just didn't seem that relevant anymore. that was the first deployment for us together. he would deploy three weeks later.
the second time around i remember getting the phone call while at a ladies' coffee at the commander's house! he called from the field (usually when they go to jrtc it's a dead give away that orders are to follow). he told me that they had been attached and could leave as early as mid-april. that was just four weeks away! what about our september wedding? what about 12 months dwell time? what about our plans? as i hung up the phone i tried hard to fake a smile. i wondered if any of the wives at the coffee knew yet.
aaron's wifey
army
2 deployments
this second deployment we knew was coming for a long time. so, i had a lot of time to cope. although, when it came closer, i had many panic attacks.
the first deployment we both found out while we were out to dinner for our valentine's dinner. we were at a nice place- hubby just got out of a school and was able to come visit me. we knew he was going to viriginia, but a lady called with his orders and he answered and she said he was leaving in five days for his deployment, but he had to report in the morning to his unit in virginia. i saw his face and knew something was up. he told me and i cried. we left carrabbas and went to my house and stayed up until 5am watching movies and talking. i was devastated but i coped with the help of my mom and friends.
dropping him off at the bus station the next morning was so hard. there were a bunch of women on the bus who saw me crying and his bags and they all cried. they tried to cheer him up the whole ride to the airport, but then they had him crying too. two days later he took a 13 hr bus ride up to new jersey just to spend a few hours with me and to ask me to marry him. and then he boarded the bus to head back to virginia. and then he was gone.
kym
army
1 deployment
the first deployment we both knew it was coming. as soon as he graduated from soi and found out his unit, we knew it was only a matter of time.
i had a lot of time to prepare for it, but the anticipation was much worse than the actual deployment.
the first deployment, i was a mess. i didn't really cope and i made no effort to distract myself. let me tell you what NOT to do. do not watch the news constantly, do not stalk news websites looking for information on his unit, and do not stay home all day, everyday. do get out of the house. don't be afraid to leave your computer and keep your cell on you at all times.
the second deployment was more of a shock to both of us. his company was due to be the remain behind element for his deployment. about six months before he was scheduled to deploy, we ofund out he was moving companies and would be deploying after all. the anticipation of the deployment was still just as bad. but don't believe those people who tell you that it can't and won't get get easier.
this time around i've kept busy. i haven't been chained to my laptop and i'm not afraid to go out and have fun. the separation is still hard, but this deployment is much better than the first. look at it as an opportunity to grow and not as a time of sadness.
leah lou
marines
2 deployments
i remember the day like it was yesterday. i had my interview with the principal of the la-4 program and was offered the teaching position. i was over the moon and couldn't wait to share my excitement with aaron. when he called at lunch, i wanted to tell him, but kept mum until dinner. i could tell in his voice something was up, but he wouldn't say. that night over dinner he told me: 'they want me to deploy and catch up with my unit. since i've got combat experience, they could use my help.' suddenly my news of a new job just didn't seem that relevant anymore. that was the first deployment for us together. he would deploy three weeks later.
the second time around i remember getting the phone call while at a ladies' coffee at the commander's house! he called from the field (usually when they go to jrtc it's a dead give away that orders are to follow). he told me that they had been attached and could leave as early as mid-april. that was just four weeks away! what about our september wedding? what about 12 months dwell time? what about our plans? as i hung up the phone i tried hard to fake a smile. i wondered if any of the wives at the coffee knew yet.
aaron's wifey
army
2 deployments
this second deployment we knew was coming for a long time. so, i had a lot of time to cope. although, when it came closer, i had many panic attacks.
the first deployment we both found out while we were out to dinner for our valentine's dinner. we were at a nice place- hubby just got out of a school and was able to come visit me. we knew he was going to viriginia, but a lady called with his orders and he answered and she said he was leaving in five days for his deployment, but he had to report in the morning to his unit in virginia. i saw his face and knew something was up. he told me and i cried. we left carrabbas and went to my house and stayed up until 5am watching movies and talking. i was devastated but i coped with the help of my mom and friends.
dropping him off at the bus station the next morning was so hard. there were a bunch of women on the bus who saw me crying and his bags and they all cried. they tried to cheer him up the whole ride to the airport, but then they had him crying too. two days later he took a 13 hr bus ride up to new jersey just to spend a few hours with me and to ask me to marry him. and then he boarded the bus to head back to virginia. and then he was gone.
kym
army
1 deployment
the first deployment we both knew it was coming. as soon as he graduated from soi and found out his unit, we knew it was only a matter of time.
i had a lot of time to prepare for it, but the anticipation was much worse than the actual deployment.
the first deployment, i was a mess. i didn't really cope and i made no effort to distract myself. let me tell you what NOT to do. do not watch the news constantly, do not stalk news websites looking for information on his unit, and do not stay home all day, everyday. do get out of the house. don't be afraid to leave your computer and keep your cell on you at all times.
the second deployment was more of a shock to both of us. his company was due to be the remain behind element for his deployment. about six months before he was scheduled to deploy, we ofund out he was moving companies and would be deploying after all. the anticipation of the deployment was still just as bad. but don't believe those people who tell you that it can't and won't get get easier.
this time around i've kept busy. i haven't been chained to my laptop and i'm not afraid to go out and have fun. the separation is still hard, but this deployment is much better than the first. look at it as an opportunity to grow and not as a time of sadness.
leah lou
marines
2 deployments
now what
so now that you know he's going and you have a general idea of when, which can and probably will change a few times, what are you suppose to do with what time you have left together?
hubby was in germany and i was stateside so i went and visited for a long weekend. we aren't your typical scenario at all though. i did make him a photo book to take with him and we enjoyed what time we did have together, like a mini vacation.
jenann
army
1 deployment
with it being our second deployment, i was trying to look for all the little freedoms that came with it. it sounds selfish, but it will be only be in the house for a year. so, i kept thinking about having the whole bed to myself, eating what i wanted to when i wanted to, not having to check his schedule to make plans, less laundry, don't have to listen to him snore or chew.
we knew six months before he was deploying so we really didn't change anything. as we approached the final three months until he leaves, we started to care more about spending time together. we played the wii together after work, we planned a vacation to take before he went.
shelley
army
2 deployments
we were apart before the deployment for too long due to the rumors of another deployment looming and my anxiety over leaving my job and being some place new without any support. don't do this!
i wish more than anything i would have just moved up there, got settled and had my own life instead of being at home and being half-way in between married life and life before marriage. it's not a very fun place to be in and it also is making things more difficult in the long run because now i'm moving by myself without any help and will still be up there awhile alone before he comes home.
it also had made the whole thing terribly long. our 12 month deployment will be at least two years by the time it's all said and done and mostly because i was hanging on to what i knew as long as i could.
i also spend way too much time stressing over things that really did not matter before deployment. i was fretting over who will be there and not getting enough time with my hubby when in the end it all worked out. i definitely learned that usually anticipation of everything is 100 times worse than when it actually happens.
smailey
army
2 deployments
when my hubby found out, it was something we knew pretty soon after he got back from iraq the first time. he was stateside for about 10 months and we spent a lot of time together. the days approaching were really blurry, i don't remember much because he was packing and doing the final preparations. we also had only been married for three weeks when he left for his assignment for south korea.
sgt s wifey
army
1 deployment
we knew during the last deployment that they would be leaving again. we had a year between deployments but he also had a ton of training where he was gone for weeks at a time. we just tried to do as much as a family as we could. we didn't really do anything we would have done anyways though. we knew we would be in germany longer due to the deployment.
he left a few days after thanksgiving. we were going to have a small dinner with just the four of us but decided to invite some of the single guys so they didn't spend their last holiday before deployment alone. it was great that they all had fun hanging out one last time before deploying. with him leaving december 4th, we opted not to do christmas early because hubby wanted to keep things as normal as possible for them. he didn't want the christmas tree up either before he left. this made me mad, but he later explained he just didn't want to see all the christmas stuff up and know that he was going to miss christmas with me and the kids.
i always just try and cherish the time we have before he leaves. i try not to let the little things get to me the few weeks before he leaves. those last few weeks can be kind of awkward for us. we both just get stressed and everything. i hate watching him pack.
jamie renee
2 deployments
for our first deployment there wasn't much time between him receiving his orders and him actually deploying. and i was way busy with starting my new teaching job and he was super busy getting things together for his deployment (he had just come of a deployment earlier in the year). however, we did go away for the weekend prior to his deployment for some 'us' time. i tried so hard to enjoy myself and my time with him, but all i could think about was that tuesday morning i would drop him off and get my very last kiss for who knows how long.
for our second deployment, the initial orders were canceled while we were on our honeymoon (we had to move up our wedding and honeymoon in case he really was going in mid-april) which was a blessing and a curse. now we had to go through the whole 'wait and wonder' for orders. at the same time i was pregnant with our son. when the orders finally came, they were cut for a few weeks after my due date. it made my entire pregnancy a hellish emotional roller coaster. as if the hormones of pregnancy weren't enough, we knew that as soon as our son was born, my hubby would be leaving for 15 months. however, we promised ourselves to put it in the backs of our minds and make the most of our time together.
as the days of my delivery approached, hubby sat down and made a build-a-bear with a special voice recording for our son. he also recorded bedtime stories for our son. in the long run, i think they helped me more through the deployment. i worked on the scrapbook i sent in his duffel and i was sneaky about all the little love notes i hid in his gear and his duffels. as stressful as all the paperwork was and such, we made the most of the time. we had thanksgiving as normal, the three of us and set up our tree like we always did after thanksgiving dinner. knowing that hubby would miss the next two christmases, i promised him the tree would be up when he got home, as if he never left. i think this helped all of us (i did take it down in between).
aaron's wifey
army
2 deployments
hubby was in germany and i was stateside so i went and visited for a long weekend. we aren't your typical scenario at all though. i did make him a photo book to take with him and we enjoyed what time we did have together, like a mini vacation.
jenann
army
1 deployment
with it being our second deployment, i was trying to look for all the little freedoms that came with it. it sounds selfish, but it will be only be in the house for a year. so, i kept thinking about having the whole bed to myself, eating what i wanted to when i wanted to, not having to check his schedule to make plans, less laundry, don't have to listen to him snore or chew.
we knew six months before he was deploying so we really didn't change anything. as we approached the final three months until he leaves, we started to care more about spending time together. we played the wii together after work, we planned a vacation to take before he went.
shelley
army
2 deployments
we were apart before the deployment for too long due to the rumors of another deployment looming and my anxiety over leaving my job and being some place new without any support. don't do this!
i wish more than anything i would have just moved up there, got settled and had my own life instead of being at home and being half-way in between married life and life before marriage. it's not a very fun place to be in and it also is making things more difficult in the long run because now i'm moving by myself without any help and will still be up there awhile alone before he comes home.
it also had made the whole thing terribly long. our 12 month deployment will be at least two years by the time it's all said and done and mostly because i was hanging on to what i knew as long as i could.
i also spend way too much time stressing over things that really did not matter before deployment. i was fretting over who will be there and not getting enough time with my hubby when in the end it all worked out. i definitely learned that usually anticipation of everything is 100 times worse than when it actually happens.
smailey
army
2 deployments
when my hubby found out, it was something we knew pretty soon after he got back from iraq the first time. he was stateside for about 10 months and we spent a lot of time together. the days approaching were really blurry, i don't remember much because he was packing and doing the final preparations. we also had only been married for three weeks when he left for his assignment for south korea.
sgt s wifey
army
1 deployment
we knew during the last deployment that they would be leaving again. we had a year between deployments but he also had a ton of training where he was gone for weeks at a time. we just tried to do as much as a family as we could. we didn't really do anything we would have done anyways though. we knew we would be in germany longer due to the deployment.
he left a few days after thanksgiving. we were going to have a small dinner with just the four of us but decided to invite some of the single guys so they didn't spend their last holiday before deployment alone. it was great that they all had fun hanging out one last time before deploying. with him leaving december 4th, we opted not to do christmas early because hubby wanted to keep things as normal as possible for them. he didn't want the christmas tree up either before he left. this made me mad, but he later explained he just didn't want to see all the christmas stuff up and know that he was going to miss christmas with me and the kids.
i always just try and cherish the time we have before he leaves. i try not to let the little things get to me the few weeks before he leaves. those last few weeks can be kind of awkward for us. we both just get stressed and everything. i hate watching him pack.
jamie renee
2 deployments
for our first deployment there wasn't much time between him receiving his orders and him actually deploying. and i was way busy with starting my new teaching job and he was super busy getting things together for his deployment (he had just come of a deployment earlier in the year). however, we did go away for the weekend prior to his deployment for some 'us' time. i tried so hard to enjoy myself and my time with him, but all i could think about was that tuesday morning i would drop him off and get my very last kiss for who knows how long.
for our second deployment, the initial orders were canceled while we were on our honeymoon (we had to move up our wedding and honeymoon in case he really was going in mid-april) which was a blessing and a curse. now we had to go through the whole 'wait and wonder' for orders. at the same time i was pregnant with our son. when the orders finally came, they were cut for a few weeks after my due date. it made my entire pregnancy a hellish emotional roller coaster. as if the hormones of pregnancy weren't enough, we knew that as soon as our son was born, my hubby would be leaving for 15 months. however, we promised ourselves to put it in the backs of our minds and make the most of our time together.
as the days of my delivery approached, hubby sat down and made a build-a-bear with a special voice recording for our son. he also recorded bedtime stories for our son. in the long run, i think they helped me more through the deployment. i worked on the scrapbook i sent in his duffel and i was sneaky about all the little love notes i hid in his gear and his duffels. as stressful as all the paperwork was and such, we made the most of the time. we had thanksgiving as normal, the three of us and set up our tree like we always did after thanksgiving dinner. knowing that hubby would miss the next two christmases, i promised him the tree would be up when he got home, as if he never left. i think this helped all of us (i did take it down in between).
aaron's wifey
army
2 deployments
the day the white bus drove away (the ship left dock)
the day will come when his bags will no longer sit by the front door. the day will come when you check his uniform one last time to make sure everything is just right. the day will come when he drives one last time through post with you sitting next to him. the day will come when he boards the white bus and heads for his plane or crosses the jetty and bunks on his ship. it will be a roller coaster day. you'll be filled with pride because your husband is about to do the most dutiful and honorable thing. at the same time on the inside you'll feel like you're falling apart and your world has faded away. but, you know you will survive these next few months because they are only a few months out of a lifetime.
the day he was suppose to leave was very surreal. i took him to the squadron hq, said our good byes, and dropped him off. two hours later i get a call saying, 'never mind, come pick me up. not leaving until tomorrow.' so needless to say, it was an emotionally exhausting two days having to say 'good bye' twice. by the time he really left, i was just ready for him to go so we could start counting down to his coming home.
the he really ended up leaving, i went straight to work afterwards which was really good because i wasn't at home moping around alone. i'm glad i did that. then i also had a happy hour date with my girlfriends planned for that evening. so, by the time i got home that night, i was exhausted and ready for bed. going home alone for the first time is the hardest part but it was no biggie for me.
one thing i would have done differently when he left was not stay around the squadron hq on the day of the deployment until the last possible minute. it thought i didn't want to miss even a second with him, but in reality, it just dragged things out longer than they needed to.
aggie ashley
army
1 deployment
i didn't actually get to see him off at the bus, i had flown down the weekend before he left. he wanted it that way because he still had so much packing and running around to do before he left. plus, he had volunteered to go early so that really made things hairy...
anyways, so i flew out the weekend before, we spent every waking moment together just enjoying being together. his family didn't come down to see him or his brother off. so, i felt it necessary to be there with him (we had only been dating three months at this point).
he dropped me off at the airport and i was fine all throughout the weekend, no tears, nothing. then as were saying our 'good byes' and he's hugging me the last time for the next seven months, it just all hit me at once. i started to cry and man i couldn't stop. i was crying as i was checking into security and even when i boarded the plane to leave. ugh i t was so hard to say 'good bye.'
the thing that helped at the time was knowing that the good bye was only temporary (you have to always stay positive, never think what if this or that because that will drive you crazy). another thing that helped was i have this thing that i do every time i say good bye to him before he leaves: i write him love note(s) and hide them in his things. that way, he is looking for them after i leave them and it's a nice surprise for him that can read over and over. well, he's started to do the same for me and it's always so nice to have that. i also had one of his sweatshirts that smelled like him that i wore home on the plane and slept in.
merritt
marines
1 deployment
the day he was suppose to leave was very surreal. i took him to the squadron hq, said our good byes, and dropped him off. two hours later i get a call saying, 'never mind, come pick me up. not leaving until tomorrow.' so needless to say, it was an emotionally exhausting two days having to say 'good bye' twice. by the time he really left, i was just ready for him to go so we could start counting down to his coming home.
the he really ended up leaving, i went straight to work afterwards which was really good because i wasn't at home moping around alone. i'm glad i did that. then i also had a happy hour date with my girlfriends planned for that evening. so, by the time i got home that night, i was exhausted and ready for bed. going home alone for the first time is the hardest part but it was no biggie for me.
one thing i would have done differently when he left was not stay around the squadron hq on the day of the deployment until the last possible minute. it thought i didn't want to miss even a second with him, but in reality, it just dragged things out longer than they needed to.
aggie ashley
army
1 deployment
i didn't actually get to see him off at the bus, i had flown down the weekend before he left. he wanted it that way because he still had so much packing and running around to do before he left. plus, he had volunteered to go early so that really made things hairy...
anyways, so i flew out the weekend before, we spent every waking moment together just enjoying being together. his family didn't come down to see him or his brother off. so, i felt it necessary to be there with him (we had only been dating three months at this point).
he dropped me off at the airport and i was fine all throughout the weekend, no tears, nothing. then as were saying our 'good byes' and he's hugging me the last time for the next seven months, it just all hit me at once. i started to cry and man i couldn't stop. i was crying as i was checking into security and even when i boarded the plane to leave. ugh i t was so hard to say 'good bye.'
the thing that helped at the time was knowing that the good bye was only temporary (you have to always stay positive, never think what if this or that because that will drive you crazy). another thing that helped was i have this thing that i do every time i say good bye to him before he leaves: i write him love note(s) and hide them in his things. that way, he is looking for them after i leave them and it's a nice surprise for him that can read over and over. well, he's started to do the same for me and it's always so nice to have that. i also had one of his sweatshirts that smelled like him that i wore home on the plane and slept in.
merritt
marines
1 deployment
and he's gone, now what
you know exactly how many weeks, days, hours and even minutes it's been since you last kissed him. it's been just a few weeks now. there have been a few calls or emails, maybe a couple of webcam sessions, but what else are you suppose to do to make the next few months go by just a little bit faster?
keep busy! everyone will tell you, you need to keep busy. and it's so true. the busier you are, the faster the time goes. and as much as you want to keep track of every minute since he's been gone, don't! it will make it seem like forever. instead, make yourself little milestones to look forward to: girls' night out, vacation or a trip to see the family, the next paycheck. and another thing, don't feel guilty for living life while your husband is doing his job. your job is to carry on at home, which means living. yes, it sucks that he can't go with you to that concert, but take pictures and make your own concert dvd for him so he can have his own little concert over there. find ways to incorporate your hero rather then keeping yourself from life. and the news, you remember, the news is 48 hrs old. if you hear it on the news and the military hasn't contacted you, it's not him! so, keep busy, live life, and if they haven't contacted you, put down the brown paper bag and breath.
aaron's wifey
army
2 deployments
keep busy! everyone will tell you, you need to keep busy. and it's so true. the busier you are, the faster the time goes. and as much as you want to keep track of every minute since he's been gone, don't! it will make it seem like forever. instead, make yourself little milestones to look forward to: girls' night out, vacation or a trip to see the family, the next paycheck. and another thing, don't feel guilty for living life while your husband is doing his job. your job is to carry on at home, which means living. yes, it sucks that he can't go with you to that concert, but take pictures and make your own concert dvd for him so he can have his own little concert over there. find ways to incorporate your hero rather then keeping yourself from life. and the news, you remember, the news is 48 hrs old. if you hear it on the news and the military hasn't contacted you, it's not him! so, keep busy, live life, and if they haven't contacted you, put down the brown paper bag and breath.
aaron's wifey
army
2 deployments
the news and you
okay, so you can't avoid the news for the rest of the deployment. you will eventually have to find out the weather and the reviews for the new movie coming out. plus, you just can't crawl under a rock and hide and pretend nothing is happening in the world. so, when you do hear or read the news, remember, if the military hasn't contacted you, it's not your husband.
so the longest time i tried to only watch espn sportcenter and check the weather on the weather channel. well, that didn't last very long since i was teacher and my students wanted to know what was happening in the world and how it affected them. i learned from my mum, a retired military wife and veteran spouse of desert storm, that if the military hasn't contacted you personally, it's not your soldier they are talking about. so put down the brown paper bag, take the evening news for what it is and breathe normally.
aaron's wifey
army
2 deployments
so the longest time i tried to only watch espn sportcenter and check the weather on the weather channel. well, that didn't last very long since i was teacher and my students wanted to know what was happening in the world and how it affected them. i learned from my mum, a retired military wife and veteran spouse of desert storm, that if the military hasn't contacted you personally, it's not your soldier they are talking about. so put down the brown paper bag, take the evening news for what it is and breathe normally.
aaron's wifey
army
2 deployments
what about the kids?
so it's not just about you, you've got this little one who is your world too. but how are you going to keep yourself together and make sure your little one(s) some survives this tough experience too?
the first time my hubby deployed it was just the two us, no kids. however, i was teaching on post in the 4&5 year old program and felt like a second mother to many of them. i can still see the day they broke my heart as if it were this morning. jakobi came in glum and definitely not himself. carlos walked over to him, put his arm around his shoulder and said, 'it's okay, i miss my dad too.' how does something like that not break your heart? as a teacher i made sure our weekly newsletters were available online for our soldier parents down range so that they could keep up with their preschooler. we also made weekly care packages of artwork and student work for our students who had soldiers down range. and our school had a 'wall of heroes' where students could hang home-made posters of their soldier. it wasn't much, but it helped.
the second time hubby deployed our son was just five weeks old. i knew what i was going to do to make it through the deployment, but what was i going to do to make that our son knew who his father was when he came home 15 months later? my hubby taped himself reading bedtime stories and made our son a build-a-bear with a special message for him. i made hung pictures of the two of them and of hubby in his uniform all over the house. we used the webcam as much as possible. and by the time my hubby came home for r&r, our son was seven months old but knew who the tall man in the uniform was; he was the man in the computer, the voice on the phone, the guy who read to him each night. and when our deployment was over and we picked up our hero, we went home, had dinner and by bath time it was as if my hubby had been home the last 15 months.
because i was a first-time mom and we were stationed at a remote-like base with no family nearby and large population of the post deployed, i moved home. this was a decision my hubby and i made. for us, since our son was only five weeks old, the move did not interfere with school or with friendships already made.
aaron's wifey
army
2 deployments
great resources for kids:
military one source has a great list of books, dvds and online resources for you and your kids:
http://tinyurl.com/militaryonesource
the first time my hubby deployed it was just the two us, no kids. however, i was teaching on post in the 4&5 year old program and felt like a second mother to many of them. i can still see the day they broke my heart as if it were this morning. jakobi came in glum and definitely not himself. carlos walked over to him, put his arm around his shoulder and said, 'it's okay, i miss my dad too.' how does something like that not break your heart? as a teacher i made sure our weekly newsletters were available online for our soldier parents down range so that they could keep up with their preschooler. we also made weekly care packages of artwork and student work for our students who had soldiers down range. and our school had a 'wall of heroes' where students could hang home-made posters of their soldier. it wasn't much, but it helped.
the second time hubby deployed our son was just five weeks old. i knew what i was going to do to make it through the deployment, but what was i going to do to make that our son knew who his father was when he came home 15 months later? my hubby taped himself reading bedtime stories and made our son a build-a-bear with a special message for him. i made hung pictures of the two of them and of hubby in his uniform all over the house. we used the webcam as much as possible. and by the time my hubby came home for r&r, our son was seven months old but knew who the tall man in the uniform was; he was the man in the computer, the voice on the phone, the guy who read to him each night. and when our deployment was over and we picked up our hero, we went home, had dinner and by bath time it was as if my hubby had been home the last 15 months.
because i was a first-time mom and we were stationed at a remote-like base with no family nearby and large population of the post deployed, i moved home. this was a decision my hubby and i made. for us, since our son was only five weeks old, the move did not interfere with school or with friendships already made.
aaron's wifey
army
2 deployments
great resources for kids:
military one source has a great list of books, dvds and online resources for you and your kids:
http://tinyurl.com/militaryonesource
and there was a knock at the door
it's the one thing you would never wish on anyone, not even an enemy. you watch the evening news and you see their faces and wonder who they left behind. you catch yourself tearing up and praying for their family and then praying that God's protective hand be upon your soldier. but what happens when they call you to locate you and then come knock on your door, bow their head and say, 'mama, we have official news from the pentagon, your soldier has been injured.' or even worse, 'mama, we have official news from the pentagon, your soldier has been killed.' what do you do then? what happens to you, your world, the life you two had planned?
i thank God every night that the knock never came at my door. during the first deployment it wasn't a reality. but during the second deployment, it became a serious, hard, awful reality. i checked my myspace as i usually did just to check up on all my deployment buddies. there it was on heather's status, marcus had been killed. my heart sunk. then i checked jules's status and it was true. just then the evening news came on and the first bullet was, 'a local zephyrs hills soldier was killed today in iraq.' and they showed his picture. it was all the more i needed to send my world into shock.
since we were all far from our base, i became the care team. i made a few dishes, visited the family and attended the funeral. we, my mum, our 6.5 month old son, and i, attended the toughest thing a military wife could ever experience. it was surreal. it was beautiful. it was absolutely heartbreaking.
aaron's wifey
army
2 deployments
read the inspiring stories of those who have lost loved ones (and find resources if you ever join their ranks):
http://www.americanwidowproject.org/
http://www.airmanmom.blogspot.com
i thank God every night that the knock never came at my door. during the first deployment it wasn't a reality. but during the second deployment, it became a serious, hard, awful reality. i checked my myspace as i usually did just to check up on all my deployment buddies. there it was on heather's status, marcus had been killed. my heart sunk. then i checked jules's status and it was true. just then the evening news came on and the first bullet was, 'a local zephyrs hills soldier was killed today in iraq.' and they showed his picture. it was all the more i needed to send my world into shock.
since we were all far from our base, i became the care team. i made a few dishes, visited the family and attended the funeral. we, my mum, our 6.5 month old son, and i, attended the toughest thing a military wife could ever experience. it was surreal. it was beautiful. it was absolutely heartbreaking.
aaron's wifey
army
2 deployments
read the inspiring stories of those who have lost loved ones (and find resources if you ever join their ranks):
http://www.americanwidowproject.org/
http://www.airmanmom.blogspot.com
time for a little r&r
woo hoo! so you've handled the first few months of this deployment with as much pose and grace and stick-to-ness as you possibly can. time for your hero to come home and take a break with you. so, what all are you really going to be able to do in those few short days that he's home? will it really be enough time for him to relax? do we break our routine we've had these last few months and let him join in? what should i expect of him and do to help him enjoy and make the most of these few days?
it's all downhill from here
you've made it through saying good-bye, you've made it to and through r&r, now it's all downhill until homecoming. but why does it seem like forever until he finally comes home? how are you going to survive these last few months?
welcome home!
you've gotten your mail stop date. you've been debating about what to wear. you've ordered your welcome home banner. you've cleaned the house fifteen times and stocked the fridge with all of his favorites. you've waited what seems like your whole life to see that white bus pull back into the parking lot. or you've waited for that ship to dock finally again at home. or you've waited for him to walk off that plane again. welcome home! job well done! we've missed you!
i got a text message from a friend that she would 'have her midnight kiss this year.' that's all i needed to know. they were coming home! when i talked to hubby, he confirmed that he would home in the next few weeks, but it would be a while before he knew for sure. i already had our homecoming banner and yellow ribbons up (we moved into a new house while hubby was deployed, so i hung yellow ribbons so he could 'follow them home.') and the house was almost feeling like home. however, it was christmas and lil man and i had traveled home to spend the holiday with family. so there i was, panicking a little because i might have to fly back early. who would pick us up? would i even be able to get a flight back in time? well, it all worked out.
a few weeks later i got the call, 'hunny, i'm at the airport, i'll see you in an hour. i can't wait to eat dinner as a family again.' i looked my best, put on lil man's homecoming shirt and headed to the gym to sit with all the other anxious families. it had been 7 months since my hubby had held our 15 month old son. how would the two of them react to each other? we sat nervously in the bleachers for what seemed like forever. then the slide show started; they showed them getting of the plane. we searched and searched for hubby but some how we missed him, but i knew he was in that group. then the doors opened and the goosebumps started along with the tears. again we searched the faces and finally, THERE HE IS! i don't think i've ever shouted that loud in my life. after the 'job well done! welcome home! dismissed!' we waited (i'm 5' even and hubby is 6'3" so it's easier for him to get to us). he made his way through the crowds. that first hug made the last 14 months of waiting and praying worth it. lil man didn't know what to think: how did he get out of the computer and off the tv and out of the pictures?
after gathering hubby's bags we headed home, had dinner and started living our 'happily ever after.'
aaron's wifey
2 deployments
army
i got a text message from a friend that she would 'have her midnight kiss this year.' that's all i needed to know. they were coming home! when i talked to hubby, he confirmed that he would home in the next few weeks, but it would be a while before he knew for sure. i already had our homecoming banner and yellow ribbons up (we moved into a new house while hubby was deployed, so i hung yellow ribbons so he could 'follow them home.') and the house was almost feeling like home. however, it was christmas and lil man and i had traveled home to spend the holiday with family. so there i was, panicking a little because i might have to fly back early. who would pick us up? would i even be able to get a flight back in time? well, it all worked out.
a few weeks later i got the call, 'hunny, i'm at the airport, i'll see you in an hour. i can't wait to eat dinner as a family again.' i looked my best, put on lil man's homecoming shirt and headed to the gym to sit with all the other anxious families. it had been 7 months since my hubby had held our 15 month old son. how would the two of them react to each other? we sat nervously in the bleachers for what seemed like forever. then the slide show started; they showed them getting of the plane. we searched and searched for hubby but some how we missed him, but i knew he was in that group. then the doors opened and the goosebumps started along with the tears. again we searched the faces and finally, THERE HE IS! i don't think i've ever shouted that loud in my life. after the 'job well done! welcome home! dismissed!' we waited (i'm 5' even and hubby is 6'3" so it's easier for him to get to us). he made his way through the crowds. that first hug made the last 14 months of waiting and praying worth it. lil man didn't know what to think: how did he get out of the computer and off the tv and out of the pictures?
after gathering hubby's bags we headed home, had dinner and started living our 'happily ever after.'
aaron's wifey
2 deployments
army
making it our happily ever after
so now that he's rejoining your life and your routine and everything that he's missed out on during the deployment, here's comes another challenge. making he's transition, his reintegration as smooth as possible though it won't be that picture you painted in your head. however, you can make life as happily as ever after.
i won't lie, reintegration was hard and 5 months later is still hard. i catch myself reminding myself that hubby has only been a dad for 5 months and been a husband at home for 12 months. he has no clue what he's doing half the time, but he tries (he reads my parent magazines and researches online). the biggest thing to remember is that when the argument is over, say 'i love you.' and fight fair; he went through some crazy hard tough over there, but you also went through your own crazy hard time back here. there is no way to compare those two experiences, both were awful and neither can say 'my experience was worse.' so, don't even bring it up. when you do find yourselves at a tough spot, step back, take a breath or ten and calm down, hash it out and move forward.
as far as life as a family again, take it one moment at a time. and throw out that picture perfect idea you have in your head. you're going to miss all the special little moments if you keep waiting for that picture perfect moment. give your husband and children time. they've been through a tough separation and in their own time, we'll be best buddies again. and yes, it stinks because you'll still be pulling double duty, but in the long run if you keep your big girl panties on and work through it, you'll get your happily ever after.
and one more thing, as hard as it will be, try not to countdown to the end of dwell time. you will only drive yourself crazy and miss out on the time you have together if you're already worrying about the next set of orders. enjoy the here and now.
aaron's wifey
army
2 deployments
i won't lie, reintegration was hard and 5 months later is still hard. i catch myself reminding myself that hubby has only been a dad for 5 months and been a husband at home for 12 months. he has no clue what he's doing half the time, but he tries (he reads my parent magazines and researches online). the biggest thing to remember is that when the argument is over, say 'i love you.' and fight fair; he went through some crazy hard tough over there, but you also went through your own crazy hard time back here. there is no way to compare those two experiences, both were awful and neither can say 'my experience was worse.' so, don't even bring it up. when you do find yourselves at a tough spot, step back, take a breath or ten and calm down, hash it out and move forward.
as far as life as a family again, take it one moment at a time. and throw out that picture perfect idea you have in your head. you're going to miss all the special little moments if you keep waiting for that picture perfect moment. give your husband and children time. they've been through a tough separation and in their own time, we'll be best buddies again. and yes, it stinks because you'll still be pulling double duty, but in the long run if you keep your big girl panties on and work through it, you'll get your happily ever after.
and one more thing, as hard as it will be, try not to countdown to the end of dwell time. you will only drive yourself crazy and miss out on the time you have together if you're already worrying about the next set of orders. enjoy the here and now.
aaron's wifey
army
2 deployments
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