through it all, don't lose yourself

it's hard sometimes not to get completely wrapped up in your soldier's world, to paint your entry way in his unit colors, to adorn the rear of your car with yellow ribbon magnets and bumper stickers, to wear his pt shirt every waking moment when he's gone, but is that really who YOU are? though you want to be supportive, find a balance between being that support, his #1 cheerleader and still be yourself.

i don't think you would be able to tell just from looking at me that i'm a military wife. well, except when i was at the uniform center recently and i had no clue what patches hubby needed! i don't think my identify has been lost at all, but we are not your typical military family. greg is the only person in my extended family who has been in the service by choice (i have an uncle who went to vietnam). i think it should become a part of who you are, but it should not completely change you.
catherine
navy
2 deployments

you would never know dave was deployed by looking at me. i've never immersed myself in military culture by plastering my car with '1/2 my heart is in iraq' stickers, wearing pts tot he grocery store or displaying service stars in my living room windows. i do have two battalion or squadron t-shirts that i wear to work out in and i have a necklace with a stryker on it, but no overt every day symbols. i want people to look at me and want to get to know me for me, not for being a military wife. i'm not looking for sympathy from passer-byers and can wear my pride on my face rather than on my car, purse, or clothing. survival in the face of adversity is the best representation of a military wife (not always pretty, but making it when the going gets tough). plus, i'd rather the crazies at wal-mart not know that i'm living alone in my house with a small child and two weenie dogs for protection.

i think it depends on where you are in your life as to how bulldozed you feel by your husband's career. had you asked me this two years ago when i had to leave a dream job in washington to move to podunk, kentucky, i would have told you i was resentful of his career. today, i'm thankful for the luxury it affords me - staying home with our baby, going to school for free, etc. either way, you have to develop your own identify so that you don't become lost in the shuffle of constant pcs moves, new jobs and new friends. sometimes it takes being lost for a while to realize the necessity of being your own person - someone supportive of, but separate from, his career.
aspen
army
2 deployments

i don't think that being in the military changes you all that much. if anything, it brings out the patriotism that is inside you. if someone were to look at me, they may not know we are military. but when my hubby is gone, i do like to were a pin in honor of him. now if they were to come to my house, yes, they would know that we are a military family. we are very proud of what each and every one of the military members are doing or have done in our family. i would love to decorate in support of my husband when he is gone, but that just makes us a target. we do have the bumper stickers to symbolize that we are military. our lives change and will never be the same when we join the military, but t doesn't change who you are. we are not exempt from the evil in the civilian world. that is where i thought wrong, i thought it was going to be great, no crime, no drama, nothing like in the civilian world. i was wrong. here are our current duty station the crime rate is high. drugs, alcohol, attempted child abductions are all of what we deal with here and many other military bases.
amanda
army
2 deployments

adding some new resources!

so i just sat through one of my favorite conferences thus far in my military career! tara and star of the army wifw network (armywifenetwork.com) visited our duty station with their 'field experience' spouses conference. let me tell you, when i grow up, i want to be like them, helping other spouses make the most of this blessing in diguise we call the military life.



so after laughing, sharing personal stories and crying a little, yes, i had tears, i walked out with tons of resources, just for y'all! so, check out our resource list on the left and make use of them. these people are here to help you, the military spouse, make the most of this life we live. enjoy!



armywifenetwork.com: need a message board, some answers, great blogs to read, podcasts, links to great resources and vendors who love miltiary spouses and their heroes.

usaa.com: who are you banking with? who has your car insured? who has your back with your house? who is looking out for your retirement? usaa has been loving on military families from the start. and the ceo, he's retired military.

armyonesource.com: did you know there is military one source and then army one source? resource specific to the army.

militarybyowner.com: moving? trying to find a house to rent or even buy? check out military by owner to find your next home at your next duty station.

familymanager.com: need help organizing and running your household more efficiently? need a few ideas on how to maintain control through all the changes?

jointservicessupport.org: part of the guard or the reserves? this resource is just for you!

attagirlgifts.com: your hero gets ribbons for his accomplishments, why not get a reward for all you endure.

flatdaddies.com: want to take your hero everywhere with you? want to put him on the wall and leave him there until he comes home? get a life-size sticker cling of your hero's upper body to use as you please.

polkadotdoorboutique.com: what to take your hero with you where ever you go? why not have a handbag, diaper bag or countless other things made from his uniform. seneca, an army wife makes super cute bags so you can have your 'hero on my arm.' i personally had a diaper bag made and LOVE IT!

hugahero.com: need a daddy doll for your little one to hold (or yourself)? want to make a 'baby doll' or 'dog doll' for your hero to hold while downrange?

afterdeployment.org: ready to face those challenges that come when he comes home from war? you're not alone. check out the great resources here.

use this time to set goals

so your loved one will gone for a number of months. what to do? how to keep busy? set yourself some goals. from fitness goals of getting healthier to financial goals of paying off your debts and saving more to finishing up your schooling, the possibilities are endless. but trust me, when your hero comes home and sees what all you've accomplished, you too will feel empowered, not only by his words, but by knowing you did this.

i set money goals. i pick a credit card and decide to pay that one off. if i have more than one that needs to be paid, i try to get them paid off too. after those are paid, i try to set the amount i had been paying and put it toward saving money.

i plan a small event every month to have something to look forward to. plan a mommy night out or a movie with friends. i also plan something halfway through. this time, we went to my dad's for a long weekend.
carlin
army
5 deployments

well for me it was going to school the first time hubby deployed. the second time it was paying off debt. by the third deployment i focused on the kids (then teenagers), always with something going on. really it depends on what you think will work for you. the important thing is to find something and get out of the house, stay busy. it makes time go by faster that way.
stacy
army
3 deployments

the first time my airman was gone it was about surviving single parenthood with a 4 month old and another on the way.. i missed him like terrible, but i was very consumed with feeling sick and taking care of our baby and baby on the way. this time around i am focusing on losing that baby weight (by the way, half through the deployment and i've made it to my goal weight!) and keeping my heart focused on the future. when my airman gets back, we will be that much closer to the end of our military career. we've made it this far, and we will finish strong! but, the greatest focus of my life, is Jesus. He gets me through like no one else!
taylor
air force
2 deployments

for the first deployment i focused on teaching. i had just started my new teaching job when hubby, then my boyfriend, deployed. i also worked on scrapbooking, a new hobby of mine at that time. during the second deployment, i was consumed with our son, who was just 5 weeks old when my hubby deployed. between raising our son with me at home and my hubby on the webcam, i also finished up my masters and lost all of my baby weight. having goals, like finishing my masters and losing that baby weight really kept me focused.

to help us pass the time, we also has little 'trips' each month. between visiting a new area attraction to visiting family, our son and i visited 8 different airports over the course of 14 months! it was nice though. this next deployment will be exploring our new duty station and the surrounding areas.
aaron's wifey
army
2 deployments