resources just for your little one

believe it or not, but your 18 month old knows that something is amidst. your 2.5 year old knows that something isn't right. your 3 year old knows it's not normal for mommy to cry or be tired all the time. and know that you're not alone. there's a whole army of mommies out there who are facing deployment with toddlers and not fully armed for the fight ahead always. but fear not, here's a few things (and more to come) to help you and your little one hero:

before your soldier deploys:

*bedtime stories. we loved watching 'dadda' read a bedtime story each and ever night. have your soldier sit down before they deploy and record some bedtime stories (this can be done via a webcam straight to your computer or via a video camera). and you'll love the little messages he might leave just for you! also consider sending a few books with your soldier and getting another copy for at home. this will allow your soldier to read the story in real time to your lil one (and helps with reading skills for your little on).


*build-a-bear. i myself have a bear (or other animal) from each deployment we've done together so far. so does our lil man. what makes them extra special besides the fact that our soldier made them for us, each has their own special recorder with a special message, just for us. don't have a build-a-bear workshop near you? you can make one online and call in your special message. http://www.buildabear.com/ in fact, we did that when we made one to send to our soldier while he was deployed. or you can always make a 'huggy bear.' myhuggy.com

*take lots of pictures. and hang them up. and make a book. in our lil man's room i have a wall gallery of pictures of him and his daddy. i have one picture of just my hubby at our son's level that he kisses good morning and good night every.single.day he's gone from us. also, by having that picture at his level, he can go talk to him when he needs to. by having this wall up before hand, you are getting your little one use to the idea. also, consider making a book of all those pictures (there are make board books out there, check your acs or airmen community resource, or militaryonesource.com for books these books. list below). you can go to shutterfly or kodak or walgreens and make your own book or simply use any of the books listed below and paste in your pictures (you may want to make a few copies, one for the car, one for the daycare bag, one for the bed, and so on).

*make a daddy (or mommy) doll. hugahero.com make a 'daddy doll (or mommy)' for your little one to take along every.where! and you can make one for yourself too.

*make a flat daddy and hang him on the wall or take him every.where. flatdaddies.com

now that your soldier's deployed:

*get a routine! keep busy! don't eat dinner alone! trust me, a routine will not only help you keep your sanity, but will also help your little one have something to look forward to each day. check with your local library for their storytimes. check with your local parks and rec and see if they have nature programs. if you're on post or near a post, find out when they have their toddler play dates (or any other programs they may have just for those facing a deployment. our cys has a playdate just for toddlers facing deployment), find out if your chick-fil-a has playdate with the cow (and if they don't, suggest they start), find a playground. find something to do each day, even if it's just grocery shopping. and don't eat dinner alone! find someone else whose soldier is deployed and do dinner swaps. trade off making dinner and sharing the company. i know i hate leftovers and not having another adult to talk to.

*have a 'daddy (or mommy) day.' once a week (because that's how often we send care packages), we have a day that we do a special project that we'll send to hubby. sometimes it's an art project, sometimes a picture project, sometimes it's doing something for someone else (think putting flags out with the vets on memorial day).

*take advantage of the free daycare. yes, your child development center on your post offers FREE hours each month that your soldier is deployed. i know the army offers 16 hours each month. take advantage of them! your little one needs to interact with other kids without you. yes, more then likely they will spend the first few times crying, but when you come back time and time again, they will understand that you are coming back. and just like you came back, explain that daddy (or mommy) will come back too. plus, you need to take a shower alone. you need to have some time to yourself to take a break.

*make a countdown. whether you add a paper link to the chain for each day your soldier has been gone. or you put a little yellow ribbon on your tree for each day. or you make a chain link ahead of time and take a link off each day. or get a bowl and fill it with daddy's favorite candy and eat one each day until they are all gone until they come home (you might have to refill the bowl a few times).

*visit your military family life counselor. they're confidential. they're free. they're trained. and if they can't help you and your little one cope, they can refer you. don't live near a post, call militaryonesource.com and they will find you a local resource.

*make a 'when daddy's gone' book. take pictures of your hero home and where he works when he's home. take pictures of him packing his gear and him leaving. then have him take pictures of his trip to where he's going, where he's working, where he lives. then put these pictures in a storybook (you can use shutterfly, kodak, walgreens.com, or just make your own) and help your child understand that when daddy is home, these pictures are of his office here. when daddy is gone, this is where he works.

books to help you and your little one:

*the new books from hallmark that you can record the story yourself

*night catch by brenda ehrmantruat

*a paper hug by stephanie skolmoski

*my dad's a hero by rebecca christiansen

*while you are away by eileen spinelli (navy specific)

*dad's in iraq and i want him back by carmen r. hoyt (available through most acs)

*daddy is a soldier by kirsten hallowell

*a yellow ribbon for daddy by anissa mersiowsky

*the invisible string by patrice karst

*my mommy wears combat boots by sharon mcbride

*the magic box by marty sederman

*we're all together again from sesame street (available on militaryonesource.com)

*we serve too and we serve too 2 (the reunion book) by eliane dumler (available on weservetoo.com)

*the kissing hand by audrey penn

*uncle sam's kids: when duty calls (navy specific) by angela sportelli

for you:

*when duty calls by carol vandesteeg

*the homefront club by jacey eckhart (available on militaryonesource.com)

*i'm already home & i'm already home... again by elaine gray dumler

*parenting in the 21st century (cd) by edward m. hallowell (available on militaryonesource.com)
*double duty (cd for dads who deploy) from militaryonesource.com

*surviving deployment by karen pavlicin

*chicken soup for the military wife's soul by jack canfield

*faith deployed by jocelyn green (you can follow the daily blog at jocelyngreen.wordpress.com)

*separated by duty, united by love by shellie vandevoode

i have not personally read all of these books, but as i do, i will either leave or delete them from the list as the reflect the appropriateness to our toddlers and coping. many of these books can be found at your on post library or your local library.